It Wasn't Their Fault
by 9shadowcat9
Summary: It wasn't that everyone was ignoring him. Lance knew that in the back of his head. He knew they would support him (right?). He knew they'd listen (right?). He knew that if he did try to sit down and talk to someone they would put down everything and try to help like he would for any of them. (He liked to think so at least.) Langst


It wasn't that everyone was ignoring him. Lance knew that in the back of his head. He knew they would support him (right?). He knew they'd listen (right?). He knew that if he did try to sit down and talk to someone they would put down everything and try to help like he would for any of them. (He liked to think so at least. It made the moments where he's sat in a room and no one talks to him slightly more bearable).

So it's not their fault he fails at everything he does. He's just not as smart or talented. Blue understood that and wouldn't leave him behind because he was such a colossal fuck up (she couldn't). He was the funny guy who lightened the mood. He'd smile and joke and everyone would tell him to shut up. And when he did that they didn't acknowledge that they could die tomorrow and their families would never know where they were.

He was the second youngest of a large family, he'd played this game before. Everyone ignored him until they needed him and then he jumped in to help, eager to be remembered for a few minutes. On Earth it had been easier. He'd had friends (They had been friends right? He'd tried so hard) who'd listened to him and let him rant endlessly.

But he didn't have that now. Hunk was his friend (for now) and they'd sit in the kitchen laughing until someone else walked in and suddenly Lance was laughing at his own jokes like he was fine. It wasn't their fault he wasn't as charismatic as everyone else.

It wasn't their fault that being on his own was the worst thing for him. Where all his self-doubts gnawed at him until he was fighting back tears struggling to get up (because nothing is worth it so why bother?) He'd tried doing what his therapist had recommended back home. He'd drawn pictures to let the feelings out. He'd tried making a support group to be there for him. (He'd had the Suicide Hotline saved in case he needed to talk to someone in private because sometimes all he wanted was to go away).

But all of that had stopped being worthwhile the moment he ended up on the castle and Hunk made new friends. (How could he…?) He was just so selfish. He knew Hunk was still his friend because sometimes they'd talk. But they didn't hang out like they used to. (It's ok, it's ok, everything's fine.)

But how could Lance worry him? There was a war going on and Lance couldn't hold anyone back. (He was such a mess). So he smiled and flirted and, see everything is so perfect! He's fine! They're all fine! It wasn't their fault they couldn't see him. It wasn't their fault he'd been a mess before this had all started and he'd be a mess if he survived. (He could die and he'd never see his family again. They've noticed he's gone right?)

So he draws in his room and destroys the worst ones that say to much (Not that anyone would see, no one visits him in his room). He hums little tunes when the silence becomes too much. (Has anyone notices he's humming as they talk?)

He wants to go home to his family (They cared. They had to care!) where he can feel the rain again. He misses the beach and the stores near his house where he could sit and talk to strangers (Because it's something and he's not so alone then).

It's so hard to think that he may survive this war. Part of him keeps expecting the worst to happen (Is it the worst?) and that he'd just be replaced. They can find someone Blue would like easily. She'd accepted him after all.

But at the same time he wants to live. He wants to see his family and friends (They exist. They do.) He wants to see the Universe and go farther then any other human has, lost in a sea of stars and planets. He wanted to love someone (They'd probably just le-) and be loved back (They'd find someone bet-).

They were silly dreams but they were his dreams. And he held them close to his heart, a small ray of hope in the blackness that sought to consume him.


End file.
